Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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