Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
