Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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