I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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