I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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