I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm both gender and math confused
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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