I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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