If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
