She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
