none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
