listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
