Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
