Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
