I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
