I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
