It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
