I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
