I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
