We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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