So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
