i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
