the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
