You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
