fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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