I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
