she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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