It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
