I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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