Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
