I wannas sexs uuuuu
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
