If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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