I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
