If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
