do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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