dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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