The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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