my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
