guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
