dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
