Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
