after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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