listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize