Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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