So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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