When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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