That's intense
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
