dude i'm inner monologue high
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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