____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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