My nipple is on Facebook.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
