I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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