I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
