I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
