chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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