I heard we made out
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize