The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
