remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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