mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
just found out that she named her cat after me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
