Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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