i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
