You can't motorboat a personality
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
