I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
