it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
