how do flat chested girls get laid?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
