Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
