So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize