Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm getting married
To pizza
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
