those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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