why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
