I need help removing her.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
