I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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