Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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