That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
