his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
