I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize